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All teachers sometimes face behaviors that challenge and frustrate them. I've worked with children who repeatedly leave circle time, grab toys from friends, make noise at nap time, and splash water on the floor in the bathroom. Sometimes absolutely nothing I do helps a child learn new behaviors. As a result, I've found myself feeling frustrated, confused, even angry-a sign that it's time for me to step back and regroup.
At times like these, I use what I call the "Make a Plan" Plan. It's not a solution to a particular problem. Rather, it's a strategy for helping a teacher and a child find the solution together. Here's how it works.
Step 1: Get together. This sounds simple, but it's not. The teacher and child need a safe space that allows for a real conversation. Guidance works best when the adult and the child feel like they're on the same side of the problem (Carlsson-Paige 2008). Teachers need
enough time and physical space to avoid interruptions and to make sure that the child doesn't feel threatened, judged, or pressured (by the adult or by onlookers). The best time to approach the child is at a point when things are going well for everyone, and the problem isn't occurring. "Hey, Ariel," I say. "I need your help solving a problem. Is this a good time for us to talk?" I ask her to choose a piece of paper and something to write with so we can remember our ideas. Then we find a quiet place to sit together.
Step 2: Describe the problem. Both sides need to agree on what exactly is going on. Since the teacher and child are working together, it is important for the teacher to avoid placing blame (Faber & Mazlish [1980] 2012). "Ariel," I say, "We have a nap time problem. Today I felt really bad at nap time. How did you feel?" "Bad too, " says Ariel. "We're both feeling bad at nap time!" I exclaim. "That's a problem! Let's write it down. Do you remember why we were both feeling bad?" At this point, children's honesty can be surprising. "I got out of bed," says Ariel. "I remember that," I say. "That's what made us both feel bad?"...