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By Vincent Virga
Avon Books
375pp., $2.95
The cover should tell you as much as you need to know about Gaywyck. In the background, a gloomy mansion crouches beneath lowering, foreboding skies; in the foreground, a darkly handsome man in formal dress rests one hand (the other grasps a walking-stick) on the shoulder of a fragile, apprehensive-looking blond youth while steel-gray waves crash on the rocks around them. "He was so innocent ... until he fell captive to the brooding master and sinister secrets of Gaywyck" - if that isn't enough to send you into paroxysms of laughter, you have my sympathy. Go on to the magazine rack, pick up the latest issue of Honcho or whatever, and do not reflect on experiences which are beyond your understanding.
From the opening sentence of the narrative - "I resemble my mother physically" - to the closing one...