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[Abstracting] is the main characteristic of humans which allows us to be just the way we are, and the very thing which allows us to have science, culture, progress, and what not; in other words, the very characteristic which makes humans human. We don't stop abstracting. - Alfred Korzybski
I HAVE NOT known a doctor or dentist to apologize for keeping me waiting past my appointed time. I say this not as a complaint but, in a sense, as a compliment. Doctors and dentists are nothing like a dear friend of mine who always apologizes for being late - and, believe me, he is always late. But his apologies make me feel uncomfortable for two reasons. First, knowing how much I appreciate punctuality, he squirms and stammers through his apology. His tortured contortions and mangled locution make me feel quite uncomfortable. After all, he is my friend and I love him unconditionally. second, I do not believe his apology to be sincere. It starts off well enough, as an attempt at acknowledging regret for having done wrong, but it ends up being a justification for his lateness.
Two Types of Apologies
A dictionary check of apology would show that the word can mean either a regret or a defense. The apology as defense evokes memories of Socrates, who begins Plato's Apology unapologetically by saying
I do not know what effect my accusers have had upon you, gentlemen, but for my own part I was almost carried away by them - their arguments were so convincing. On the other hand, scarcely a word of what they said was true. (1)
And he ends his defense just as unrepentantly:
I bear no grudge at all against those who condemned me and accused me, although it was not with this kind intention that they did so, but because they thought that they were hurting me; and that is culpable of them. (2)
Without a doubt, Socrates was not expressing regret for his beliefs and teachings as he faced death. Sandwiched between those quotes is a compelling argument for his philosophy and against his complainants. Just like my friend's apology: "I'm sorry but the train was late ... I'm sorry but my wife needed me to do something...