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As I sat down to write this piece, I was surprised to find myself seeking distance from my subject. I wrestled with the framing. It had taken me nearly a decade to discover a language of personal loss that could be accessed in public spaces, shared with select audiences, and translated for academic use.1 This paper reflects a desire to bring my whole self to this enterprise, along with a determination not to open myself up to more abuse—neither from those who see themselves as gatekeepers of a discipline that is in the midst of a slow transition, nor from the academy itself, which opens and closes its doors like flaps over the blades of an industrial fan, alternately beckoning and shredding. I am ever-cognizant that one must be nimble to make it across minefields, reminded that many of us dance across a tightrope.2
INTRODUCTION
Black women have a history of storytelling. It is part of how we position and reposition ourselves in spaces that routinely try to convince us that we are disposable; how we resist and redefine; a vehicle whereby we explore and develop epistemologies built upon centuries of lived experience (Angelou 1969; Collins 1990; hooks 1984; Morrison 1992; Walker 1983). These stories sustain and encourage us. The stories we tell to and about ourselves help us stand our ground and claim a space in the academy.3 Our stories are acts of resistance.
This article begins with a framework for understanding the tenure track as a production of academic violence and tenure denial as the marking of individuals with stigma. While most untenured faculty can relate to the idea of “surviving” the tenure track, the notion of academic violence goes beyond merely contending with the uncertainty and demands of seeking tenure. What follows is my story, presented to the best of my recollection, of unexpected failure on a very public stage and then rebounding in an atmosphere of intellectual and demographic inclusion. My narrative is meant to be a cautionary tale built on solidarity rather than fear or scolding. Interventions are often directed at individuals rather than institutions. Did the candidate do enough, sacrifice enough, listen enough? These are all good and relevant questions, but they leave unanswered the responsibility...