Content area
Full text
A nurse who had a major breakdown after losing her husband and her dogs, and working through the Christchurch earthquakes, tells her story.
My nursing journey began when I graduated in 2002. After three years of general nursing on the wards, I transferred into the intensive care unit (ICU). In my own mind, I was a good nurse. I cared and advocated for my patients, their family and friends and was happy to do night and extra shifts when needed. I enjoyed the camaraderie and loved my work. I thought I was a happy, well-rounded and composed nurse, who could take on anything. I was wrong.
My life began to fall apart in 2009. I was rushed to hospital for an emergency hysterectomy, after the hormones I was taking for infertility treatment caused my endometriosis to run rampant. This was the end of my dream to become a mother. The same week, my beloved dog died.
Rather than face my sorrow, I threw myself into planning a seven-week trip around the world with my husband in 2010. It was amazing, and I returned to work feeling refreshed and happy. That was not to last. Two weeks after our return, my husband left me.
I discovered he had been having an affair. I was stunned, heartbroken and confused. I threw myself into work, again unwilling to confront my emotions. Not long after this, my other precious dog died.
In February 2011, Christchurch was hit by the 6.3 magnitude earthquake. Watching the devastation on television, I decided to go into work early. The injuries we treated in intensive care were horrific.
Soon after this, in May, I had my first breakdown. I was in the drug room, with a syringe of insulin, considering harming myself. The clinical nurse manager was notified and I was taken to the emergency department (ED). After being assessed by the psychiatric emergency service,
I was admitted to Hillmorton Hospital outpatients. The psychiatrist focused on my husband's departure, suggesting it triggered a depressive episode, and prescribed me anti-depressants. After two months, I was back at work.
While I was put on day duty only, I was not moved to a lower stress environment, as suggested by my psychiatrist. This was repeatedly suggested...