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Ooooh look, there's Tilda Swinton. You're not wrong. She modelled at the Viktor and Rolf show during the Paris collections for autumn/ winter 2003. Other fashion cities are full of trash stars (Aguilera, Atomic Kitten etc), but a more haughty calibre of celebrity is required by the refined designers who show in Paris.
That jacket's a bit too big for her, isn't it? But look at the cut of the trousers - they're exquisite. The oversize effect of the jacket, a theme throughout the recent shows, is actually a Viktor and Rolf trademark. It's the Dutch duo's 10th anniversary this year, and their collection of exaggerated basics sets the tone for next season - normal clothes with a bit of a twist.
The twist at Junya Watanabe being that you pile hair over your head so you can't see where you're going? Pay no attention to the styling - focus on that beautiful tweed dress. Watanabe is a protege of Comme des Garcons, who every couple of seasons comes up with a killer commercial idea. It was thanks to him that the high street last summer was full of those long, diagonally patchworked denim skirts. It will be down to him that, this winter, large bows will be sewn into all sorts of clothes. In his showroom was one of the items of the week - a simple pair of bootcut blue jeans with a denim bow integrated above each of the pockets.
Sorry, you're meant to be talking me through the biggest fashion capital...