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MADONNA must have been reading my mind last night when, after collecting her umpteenth MTV award, she told me backstage: "Every dog has its day."
Wearing a translucent white vest that left nothing to the imagination and with her tatty-looking hair dyed vampire-black, I knew exactly what she meant.
Yet despite looking like something from a nightmare, her Mendhi- style Indian make-up adding to the horrifying effect, the old girl had plenty to smile about. For Madonna, 40, stole the show at the 15th MTV Video Awards in Los Angeles by winning SIX trophies, including best video.
She turned up to collect her prizes in a Gothic-style black outfit, but took that off to reveal the little white top after going on stage singing her hit Ray Of Light with Lenny Kravitz on guitar.
The star-studded audience gasped in horror as the former Material Girl jigged about on stage, leaving nothing to the imagination. "There's nothing this woman won't do to grab attention," one guest muttered as she went through her moves. "But now she's a mom she really ought to show a little more reserve.
"I don't know if anyone hear really wants to see her boobs any more. We had enough of them years ago when she published her Sex book."
I reckon Madonna could have collected seven awards had there been a prize for the most gratuitous bust display by a female star.
But there was plenty of competition at the lavish bash at Hollywood's Universal amphi-theatre.
Whitney Houston proudly displayed a cleavage which looked considerably wider than the M25 - and fuelled rumours that the star may have had implants.
"I never remember...