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WHAT a night! If the alcoholic bubbles that currently obscure my vision burst quickly enough, I'll give you the low-down on what really happened at last night's music awards ceremony.
In my time I've met quite a few superstars - all of the raggle- taggle rebel rousers Back to the Planet, Chumbawumba's bass-player, and Noddy - erstwhile, one-armed guitar roadie for Dumpy's Rusty Nuts - so, I'm not fazed by the close proximity of people with stellar talents, and seamless plastic surgery. However, judging by the amount of empty Babycham bottles in my room this morning, there was some serious partying going on last night and, as we know, the only people who can afford to fritter royalties away on Babycham are the interstellar denizens of that hallowed area of the fame scale just to the right of Carol Vorderman.
To think I could have ended up...