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DEAR Channel Nine: I am cheap, lazy and hopeless at home improvement.
I would rather sit on my couch shovelling food into my fat face than spend hours in my garden shovelling around fertiliser.
I built a second storey to my house, but could not be stuffed when it came to the stairs.
There's a lawn mower in the back yard, but I can't find it as the grass is so long.
I was on the verge of giving in to my nagging wife, who is threatening to leave me, and paying a landscaper and builder to come in...