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This practice-based article discusses the use of eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) in counseling "Paul" and "Eddie" (aliases), a couple for 4 years who presented with what they identified as "communication problems." Through the use of psychosocial assessments of the men's personal histories, it was determined that Paul's experience of feeling controlled and Eddie's struggles to believe that he mattered in the relationship were linked to traumatic memories in each man's childhood that related to his sexual identity development. EMDR was used to target the men's traumatic memories, alternating between Paul and Eddie. Following each EMDR treatment series, the work was integrated by talking through how the reprocessed material integrated into the overall couple experience, leading to both men's increased satisfaction in the relationship.
Keywords: eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR); gay; couples counseling; sexual abuse
Work with same-sex couples requires not only general skill in couple counseling, but also specific awareness of the unique challenges in relationship development within a culture of heteronormativity. All couples share basic structural needs of personal boundaries, the ability to manage intimacy in relation to their partners, and acceptance of partners' personality distinctions (Tunnell & Greenan, 2004). Additionally, as Gottman et al. (2003) identified through a 12-year longitudinal study that identified similar variables in relationship satisfaction for samesex couples, mutual validation has been found to be particularly important for male couples when compared to both lesbian and heterosexual couples.
In work with male couples, the counselor should remain clear on the degree to which abilities to meet these needs are impeded by both covert and overt cultural forces that have shaped the men's lives (Reicherzer, Patton, & Pisano, 2009). Each man's personal history of gay identity development may be marked with significant disruptions in his history, such as shaming, silencing, or violence enacted against him (Dew, Myers, & Wightman, 2005). In turn, these disruptions may inhibit his ability to form intimate partner bonds, particularly when these bonds do not provide needed sources of validation (Gottman et al., 2003).
In illustrating the challenges for coupling that gay men experience, Green (2004) identified both the legal history of discrimination in housing and employment that has existed in the United States, as well as the active social oppression of...