The Tango of Loving Hate: Couple Dynamics in High-Conflict Divorce

Abstract

This article explores the dynamics of couples embroiled in high-conflict divorce through the theoretical prism of British object relations theory. Such couples are often characterized by primitive object relations, and use splitting and projection as a way of "being in the world." The fear of the ex-spouse's retaliation is accompanied by fear of their own destructiveness and a desire to make reparation; however, attempts at reparation at this level of relational functioning rarely achieve reconciliation. In fact, such dynamics create a cycle of terror, retaliation, and failed reparation attempts that in turn leads to further terror, splitting and projection, with the resulting outcome often a high-conflict divorce.[PUBLICATION ABSTRACT]