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Many times, family therapists are both the first to learn that a couple may separate and the last to see them in the same consultation room, still relating to each other and the same professional before the adversarial system takes over. Mediation offers a viable alternative to that system because clients are helped to speak directly and craft the decisions that will delineate their move toward separate lives. Mediation is defined and the divorce process demystified, and the similarities and differences between mediation and therapy are discussed. Brief examples and a longer case discussion are provided to illustrate the mediation process. A familiarity with this process will enable therapists to hold more informed discussions about mediation with their clients and invite them to consider a process that is congruent with many of the values of family therapy.
Keywords: Alternative Dispute Resolution; Custody; Divorce; Mediation; Separation
Fam Proc 46:93-107, 2007
Early in my mediation career, a couple came to my office, both professionals in their early 30s. They had been married for less than 4 years and they had no children, so I imagined that the work might be brief. However, nothing had yet prepared me for their ability to formalize their separate lives without animosity and-seemingly-without difficulty, all in less than 40 minutes. Borrowing from what I do as a therapist, I asked if they could tell me how they had accomplished what they had done. I thought it might help in my teaching of mediation and therapy and in my work with other couples, and I genuinely thought I was offering them a constructive moment in which to reflect and own their strengths. Upon hearing my question, both members of the couple dissolved into tears, and I caught a brief glimpse of the pain that was lying just beneath their seemingly calm exteriors. Their work was done, they had accomplished the agreement that they had set out to reach, and I had imposed an unanticipated therapeutic agenda into their mediation. This poignant interaction reminded me that there are real differences between professions, and I apologized to my clients for moving away from the work at hand. As I closed the session, I acknowledged their efforts in spite of the difficulty and helped them...