Lying: A Family Perspective

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LYING: A FAMILY PERSPECTIVE by Mary-Jane Ferrier, Ph.D

This paper examines the phenomenon of habitual lying on the part of a child within the larger context of the family system. An attempt is made to analyse the function of such lying and to relate it to larger system issues. Using a case illustration, the paper further suggests a rationale for intervention in families where one child is perceived by the other members to be a habitual liar.

From time to time family therapists find themselves working with families where one of the presenting complaints involves a child describedas a liar. Sometimes the child's lying is not first featured as the principal complaint, but forms a backdrop for a wide variety of complaints. As the therapist becomes better acquainted with these families, a typical pattern emerges. One of the most salient features of -this pattern seems to be a pervasive rage, not surprisingly accompanied by a ~ense of helplessness on thepart of the parents and other adults in the child.'s life. Concomitant withthis sense of helplessness is a harsh and punitive mode of interaction between the parents and the child. Therapists also find themselves subject to a similar sense of helplessness in the face of the parents' repeated demands to do something. A series of such cases in our practice recently has driven us to examine these particular family patterns much more closely. At first, one is faced with two major questions. How does one stop the lying? Is stopping the child's lying behaviour an adequate intervention, were that possible? These two questions inevitably lead to others, and principally to the one examined in this paper: what is a lie, and how does it work in a family system?

Lying in a Family System

Watzlawick (1967) defines a human interactional system as one in which two or more communicants are in the process of defining the nature of their relationship. In his elaboration of what he refers to as tentative axioms of conununication, he dem::mstrates that the exchanges that take place between participants in such a system are carefully calibrated messages which, along with their digital content, carry emotional and relational material that reciprocally influences all subsequent exchanges. Moreover, he maintains that these messages have...