My Circumcision Story

As Told to J. Steven Svoboda

IT IS A GREAT RELIEF to be able to talk about my circumcision. No other single event in my life has so strongly affected me as this mutilation of my body that occurred in the first days of my life. And there is no other event about which I am anywhere near as angry, sad, and depressed as my circumcision. Nevertheless, I have never until today sat down and actually recounted all the different emotional, spiritual, mental, and physical effects it has had on my life.

I was born in i960. Unfortunately for me, while my circumcision was not what my doctor would have called a "botch" (although all circumcisions are, by definition, botches), my circumcision was quite tight and extensive. My frenulum was entirely removed.

I was relatively 'lucky' with my circumcision. My penis was not inadvertently amputated, as happens to some boys. Nor was the operation performed so unskilfully that my penis points to the side when erect, as is true of some men I know. I was not overly lucky, though, since a relatively large amount of skin was removed.

Like most men, I do not consciously remember my circumcision. However, in August 1994, 1 did do a particular powerful form of breathwork in a workshop, during which I accessed body memories of the event. I felt the pain and concretely re-experienced what it was like to be circumcised, although with dramatically less vivid feelings of pain than I must have suffered as an infant.

In early adolescence, I learned about sexuality mostly through some wellwritten books, such as Wardell Pomeroy's Boys and Sex. My family was quite repressed about sexuality. I do not remember my parents ever being physically affectionate beyond goodnight kisses, nor were they very affectionate with us. Their only attempt to discuss sexuality with me was quite pathetic. When I was seventeen and already had a girlfriend, my father came into my room and made some incredibly lame and embarrassing attempts to discuss the subject. I felt sorry for my dad and grief at my own lack of sexual initiation.

As a child, I believe I heard about circumcision from time to time. I grew up in the suburbs, where nearly all...