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Did you know that the word perfume comes from the Latin meaning "through smoke"? I knew this. I knew this because I took four years of Latin and aside from Veni, Vidi, Vici and Amo, Amas, Amat, all I remember is Per Fumare and E Pluribus Unum. I also knew this because every month at least one article from some magazine, trade or consumer, reminds me of this riveting fact. It is invariably the opening line of an article about the history of fragrances and how they were used for all sorts of things by the ancient Druids, the ancient Hittites, the ancient Babylonians -- any ancient civilization will do, the operative word being "ancient". I thought I was inured to these articles at this point until a curious letter crossed my desk the other day. It was from a professor of ancient studies at the School of Cosmological and Cosmetological Sciences (location unknown: the letterhead was smudged), who felt that I might be interested in a parchment he had come across. "You have no doubt heard of the lost continent of Atlantis," he wrote. "Everyone has an opinion as to whether it existed or not and to this day we have no certainty. But, did it ever strike you as odd that there is an Atlantic (sic]) Ocean. Consequently, I reasoned that there should also have been a lost continent of Pacifis and -- I cannot reveal how -- my explorations were rewarded when I came across this withered manuscript which I have photocopied for your inspection. Since the language in it is distantly related to a Babylonian dialect I specialized in, I was able to translate it for you. My fondest hopes that it would reveal some archaic wisdom that would shed light on early civilizations were rewarded beyond measure when I realized that this papyrus contained secrets that I dared not anticipate. Yes, as you will discover, the Pacifans had an extraordinary knowledge about fragrances. In fact, their very word for fragrance, ](a)#$% &, meant "through smoking," since they perfumed their cigarettes with musk. Rather than speak for the Pacifans in the third person, I know you will want to read the manuscript for yourself. Enjoy it and may you experience ?<>?:+."